i can never stop drawing.
i can tell you where i've been,
and where i'm going
with the tips of my fingers.
the colors are as vibrant as they were when it all first happened.
or maybe brighter than when god first created them.
and as i trace the sky,
the stars are what catch my eye.
thinking of how lonely they must be.
every one,
being light years away from each other.
i feel that i am a hot sphere of gas.
and despite my raging glow,
no one will ever take notice.
they are all the same in our eyes.
no matter how big,
how small,
how bright or dim.
they are all stars.
dots,
glowing against the black.
and i wish i could bring them closer together.
so they know there are others like them.
possibly,
maybe,
find one exactly like them.
but i can only dream.
i can only draw and pretend,
that the stars are all friends.
each one,
living a life as glorious the planets.
and after they fuck,
and fight,
breathe,
and die.
i will have learned.
that i am living their lives.
that i am fighting their fights.
i lie awake at night,
dreaming of what is next to come for my little friends.
forgetting that i am my own.
i have misplaced my grace.
i never hold onto what was most important.
i let go and hope for something better.
these stars are my stories.
and i draw them,
in hopes they will be perfect.
This could kill me!
