i don't need you.

i think i've made the decision to not go through with college. it's a lot of money, and it's money that i don't have. my dad's been saving for a long time, but i refuse to get any help from him. i don't want it at all. even now, years later, my dad still talks about how he wasted 6 grand on my brothers for school. he calls them constantly, expecting them to lend him money when he needs it. seriously? it's so ridiculous. they owe him absolutely nothing. i think they fell into the same pressure that i've felt. always coming home to hear about how we need our education and blah blah blah. it's the point where i feel i have no control of my life at all. i don't want to keep contact with him when i get out. he's always leaving messages to robert, telling him to call. honestly, he doesn't need to call you just to tell you how he's doing. if he wanted to, he would. if i were him, i'd change my damn number. i owe my father absolutely nothing. he may have provided me with shelter and food, but i'd be better off getting that somewhere else. there is no such thing as freedom here. i'm realizing that. after hearing all my friends talk about hanging out and whatnot, i realized i can't do any of those things. i have restrictions. i'm being treated like a fucking criminal when i've done nothing wrong. i'm so sick of it. so fucking sick.