oh i'm sorry, i forgot that giving money to other people that won't ever do shit for you is more important than taking care of your own daughter's needs.

i asked you for this shit a month ago, you've gotten your paycheck at least twice.

what the fuck am i supposed to do?

i've been busting my balls with anxiety over something that you can't even give me.

bullshit. i've had to deal with things like this since i was little. i should be used to it by now.

STOP EATING.

i want to be a poet.

an author

a writer

a musician

an expresser of thoughts.

i want to pull inspiration from anything and everything.

the smallest things will create my greatest works of art.

i dream a lot.

i wish a lot.

i want so many things.

at the moment, i don't have much.

just an idea.

i want the clouds to be my home.

with my 50 foot ceilings

and my dome tent

i want to live inside my mind

i have too many fears

and i am lost in them too deep to even think

to move and do

i don't talk to myself enough

i need to move forward and run towards what i want and need most

i want a beautiful life

with beautiful people

and talks

and voices

and sounds

i want to be content within my walls

within this skin

worry will be beyond me

nirvana, please wait for me.

i don't need anymore stress. none of this shit would've never happened if you had been the father you were supposed to be. either this is just the result of having a dumbass kid or rebellion gone wrong. either way, i can't handle it. i already have all this shit going on with school, and you're always breathing down my neck to get me to do perfect. i just can't do this shit anymore. i need to get out of this house and away from all this. fuck it, you guys can all just kill yourselves with your problems but i'm not gonna do it. it's only me and that's the end of it.

nostalgia.

i remember staring out the window of the bus.

and he was too, on another bus.

they crossed each other, and there was a brief moment of staring.

and then he smiled and laughed and i did the same in return.

i really miss him.

it's memories like these that lead me to believe that he really

was my friend. and my tears weren't just some form of wanting attention.

xox.

-a.

you are my sunshine.

whenever i listen to this, it brings back memories of driving to big top with a car full of friends.

i think that was when 'you are my sunshine' just came out.

i really miss those times. when i had a circle of inseparable friends.

but now we've all just gone our separate ways.

i would love to go back, but the people i use to know are so different now.

a lot of things are different. i guess i'm still getting use to it.

but for now, this album will be my portal to old memories.